The rest of the story....

Statutory rape

Signs from the break room

It's Hell to be Old

OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!

An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man
Explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with
Her right hand, then with her left, still nothing.
She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in,
Then with her teeth out, still nothing.

'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door
And she tried too, first with both hands, then an

Armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between
Her knees, but still nothing.'

The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your
Neighbor?'

The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get
The jar open.'

As You Slide Down the Banister of Life,

As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember

Jim Bakker and Jimmy Swaggert have written
An impressive new book. It's called .........
'Ministers Do More Than Lay People'

Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink
And be Mary.


The difference between the Pope and
Your boss, the Pope only expects you
To kiss his ring.

My mind works like lightning, One brilliant
Flash and it is gone.

The only time the world beats a path to
Your door is if you're in the bathroom.
I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once.
The seat folded up, the drink spilled and
That ice, well, it really chilled the mood.


It used to be only death and taxes
Now, of course, there's
shipping and handling, too.

A husband is someone who, after taking
the trash out, gives the impression that
he just cleaned the whole house.

My next house will have no kitchen - just
Vending machines and a large trash can.

A blond said, 'I was worried that my
Mechanic might try to rip me off.
I was relieved when he told me all
I needed was turn signal fluid.'

As you slide down the banister of life, may
The splinters never point the wrong way.

NOW GO HAVE A GOOOOD DAY.......

HOW TO INSTALL A “Southern” HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Bubba,

Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer. Back
in an hour.. Don't mess with the pit bulls - they attacked the mailman
this morning and messed him up bad. I don't think Killer took part, but
it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of
'em in the house. Better wait outside.

Cooter